You know what would be a good story? a fat girl vampire.
can you imagine?
“I’ve never seen you eat are you insecure” “no…”
“here let me lift that for you” “I got it, thanks” *uses inhuman strength to lift bags*
“I’ve never seen you go to the beach, do you have trouble shopping for a bathing suit” “haha… yeah”
“There’s no way that girl can catch me… she’s huge!” “Hello, dinner.” *running with super fast vampire speed*
“She can’t fit in here! I’m safe!” *turns into a gas and slips under the door*
“How come you never go out?” “Well, I never get invited to parties…”
“Come to the gym with me! We should lose weight” “Not in a thousand years.” (incidentally, that’s when she was last alive.)
“You need to go on a diet!” “I’ll start with you.” *literally eats that person*
If its starring Rebel Wilson I am so game.
Being married someday is going to be so cool. like you get to come home to your best friend every single day and just do life together.
when i was younger i had a really bad fear of danny devito when i was going to sleep so my older brother gave me a watch that he set to like 8 hours ahead so that it was always daytime on the watch when i was asleep and he told me it would confuse danny devito and he would think it was daytime and get scared of the sun and leave me alon
Your brother is the best
Who the fuck changed this from vampires to Danny devito
the-boy-with-the-kaiju-tattoos:
when you hold a boy’s dick you hold all of their power. they are powerless. you can either give them an orgasm or destroy them.
You could finish him or finish him
straight boys are weak and pathetic, queer girls walk into the ladies changing room and see ten women naked, do they stare? do they say something inappropriate? do they make them uncomfortable? no because they have the common fucking sense to recognise when a situation is sexual and that people deserve the most basic level of respect to not be harassed, yet here we are banning shorts and low cut tops in school because straight boys are weak and pathetic
okay i made this post this morning and it has since had eighty two thousand notes, it’s been featured on reddit, facebook, twitter i’ve been sent multiple death threats and messages that i don’t even want to describe
and i have to apologise
i’ve seen the error of my ways
straight boys are not ’weak and pathetic’
straight boys are weak, pathetic and fucking annoying
I will reblog this every time I see it posted
raise ur hand if u are scared af about the future yet u couldn’t care less at the same time
